Monday, October 1, 2018

# 1 | New Beginnings

          August 5th this year I turned 31. It left me thinking about the many things that I have yet to do that I thought I would have achieved by now. I'd work home full time and take care of my little ones too. I'd no longer be morbidly obese, but a healthy thick and luscious woman. I'd always be well put together. I'd know the scriptures front to back and could lead my family in righteousness. I'd be a loving and supporting wife to my husband. I'd have a better relationship with my family of origin, especially my mother. 

Big beautiful woman,          Reality is much different. I am nowhere near having a house full of kids, I certainly do not work from home. This morning when I stepped on the scale I was 392.6 pounds, last Monday I was down to 381. I might not be on my death bed, but I am on 2 pills that when I do not take, I gain water like you could not believe, thus I am not healthy, but I thank Heavenly Father for the health I do have.

         I go to work and out any way I want... mostly a hot mess because I am too comfortable with the person I am. But, not the glam woman I see myself as each time I look at myself in the mirror. My husband recently reminded me, that I am far from my goal of understanding the scriptures, and the gospel of Jesus Christ. Though I would do anything for my husband, I am not exactly the pillar and foundation that I want to be for him. When I speak to my mom, it's like I am still a teenager, and we are not getting any closer.

          On my birthday, I decided that its time to start changing. And, that to do this change, I would have to explore, to find me and to open up to new possibilities. I created a new Instagram account #exploring_patricia - where I started the journey that has led me to here. I have started a blog before, and well ended it for various reasons - number 1 being depression. As someone that LOVES to talk, this is a good outlet for me, and why not? I am going to get on this journey of changing myself. I don't have a focus at this time for my blog, I will just use it as a journal for now.

#ssbbw2sbw #missbbwful #exploring_patricia          My first best friend in Minnesota is a sweet wonderful man named Joe. *** Happy birthday Querido***. He believed in me when I did not believe in myself. He said to him, I am like a Barboletta (butterfly), and so that's the nickname he gave me. I think it's so funny that often I think about that, how even though I met him when I was 26, I was really like a caterpillar, still changing and trying to find me, with no future in sight. But, because he believed in me, I had something that helped me shape into the woman I am today. Right now, I feel like an emerged moth, still moving toward my final transformation into the gracious butterfly, that Joe has always seen in me. 

          I am starting off by challenging myself to be "pretty" every single day of October, even at home. I have never been one to wear wigs, but I purchased 3, and I am looking forward to wearing them as part of the challenge. I hope I can be brave enough to wear one to work... Who knows?

          The day has finally come, it's time for the world, most especially for me, to see Mizz Patricia's Evolution into a Butterfly. No more will I want and wonder when my dreams like come true. It's time right now. I hope that this journey is just the beginning of many. I look forward to looking at myself a year from now, to see how the transformation will change me. I hope to make a lot of new friends, and perhaps inspire other moths to take charge of their lives, and also become a breathtaking butterfly, whatever that means in their eyes.

Instagram: #mizzpatricias

This post was proofread by Grammarly


  1. Welcome Luv bug. I appreciate how beautifully you've expressed yourself. I look forward to reading!

    1. Thank you. :-) You are an amazing and I can be as inspiring as you.


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