10 | How to be Confident With Yourself in 3 Steps

The question of how I became so confident in my skin is one I get a lot from either another big beautiful woman who is trying to find herself or friends. Sometimes I feel like people just don’t understand how a plus sized woman can be happy to be herself.

The truth is, I was not born this way. I faked it for a long, long, long time. I am grateful and thrilled that these days, I don’t usually have to fake it 90% of the time. I am a human being, I will always have fear, the important thing is I have learned to control it and continue to work getting better control of those fears.

Since the age of 12-13 years old, I have been at least 300 pounds. It has been nearly 20 years since I hit this stage in life. Many tried to bring me down about it, and many have succeeded. It took me about 14 years later to be confident in my skin.

Here’s why:

1. Bullies:

I had lots of bullies in my adolescent life. When I think about it, even in my adult life, there has always been someone around that tried to take from me what was not there’s. And to be frank, I lost a lot from it.

you're fat stop eating image

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2. Entertainment/TV Shows:

While I was growing up, TV shows made fun of the FAT girl in every skit. Even if their version of FAT is even SMALLER than my idea of skinny! It did not start in the 90s.

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Ladies, if you don’t already know this apartment :), meet the

“The Mary Tyler’s Moore Show” apartment from the 1970s. And ladies, see that woman in the yellow sweater? You guessed it, she is the FAT character. Her name is Rhonda. Her weight is often brought up by several other characters, and she questions her self-worth often.

3. Magazines/Social Media:

Magazines are either bleaching colored women to make them lighter, to appeal to a fairer audience, or they are photoshopping the cellulite of the thighs of ordinary women. It seems magazines will do anything to sale a copy. Let’s not forget the blunt “weight loss” some of these women experience during the editing of a picture.


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The list of WHY it took me a long time to become confident in my own skin could go on forever! I much rather point out to you three things that helped me gain self-confidence and love myself for who I am.

How I became the person I am today:

1. Faked it:

Before I could look you in the eyes and say, I love myself for who I am, I lied through my teeth. After years of being call everything under the sun about my weight or anything else people disliked about me, I believed it.

I believed I was ugly, I believed I had no worth, I believed that I deserved all the hate that came my way. I believed I would never be happy, and never be accepted or appreciated in this life.

When I was about 17, I said SCREW THIS! And started to just stare bullies down, like yes, I am the biggest person in this room, don’t you think I already know that? Don’t you think EVERYONE already knows that? Must you state the obvious? And who the heck are you? Do you think you deserve the power to degrade me and make me feel less than human? Be gone evil one.

I was scared, afraid I would be hurt once again. But, in making pretend I was strong, that whatever was being said was just bouncing off me, the bullies backed down, and it eventually mostly stopped.

With this new-found superpower, I decided I needed to lie to myself too. Even if I did not honestly believe it, I tried to find someone nice about myself that I could admire.

I started to look in the mirror and realize say things like I have pretty eyes, check out my lips. Those are lips people pay good money for. Check out those ASSets!  I mean really, this baby got back! No padding required!!

My church has something they have young women recite every Sunday together. At some point, I would repeat the first line to myself in the mirror.

I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father, who loves me, and I love Him.

The theme is longer than this, click here for the full version

Being the daughter of THE KING, means I am worth something to at least one person. And if one person can see my worth, so can I.

Eventually, that Mantra pulled me from the dark. It did not happen overnight, but once I decided I was worth something, you better believe I faked confidence till the day I radiated it from inside out

2. Work on it daily:

The world has not changed, every day there is something out there ready to creep in my heart and remind me where I came from. It’s my job to daily remind myself, HEY LADY, you are beautiful, you are smart, you are worth it all.

I know it will be a lifelong journey, and I am ready for it. The enemy takes no break, why should I or you? So, I take a selfie nearly daily, forced to look at myself no matter what. 

The simple fact is this –  if you don’t believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

3. Help a fellow sister in need:

We are all in different stages of our lives. When you see someone somewhere (emotionally, intellectually, etc.) you use to be, don’t be afraid to take them by the hand and help them stand on their own two feet. Don’t be pushy! Be a friend!

This is the reason why I created this blog. I have been through hell and hope to help one of my fellow sisters get out of their hell.  I am not looking to help the world. I am just looking for the one.

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This does not sound sexy, I know. But you can do the same thing starting today. Every time someone tells you that you look great or you did a good job, say thank you and believe it. Every time you pass a mirror say one kind thing about yourself and BELIEVE it. Give love to someone else in need.

There is no reason for you to continue suffering if you are. No matter what your trial is, you are of worth, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. You just need to put in the mental and emotional elbow grease needed to become the lady you know that you are.

This post was proofread by Grammarly

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